notahawkingbird | [post-canon] outside a war is waging

[His heart must feel like a hummingbird's compared to her own under her fingertips, and Tommy can't help but bite his lip a little as Kate runs her hands up his chest, his own drifting down to wrap around her hips so he could tug her forward, more into his lap.

He's glad she's not having second thoughts, because seriously, he wouldn't have been surprised. Not with her feelings about Eli still sort of up in the air, and this all happening pretty fast. He was worried he was reading it wrong.

When she kisses him again, he can't help but grin against her lips and lean up, kissing her right back. There's a bit more force behind it, and his tongue brushes up against her top lip, smirking still. Okay, now he's certainly feeling more confident about this. And stupidly happy it's actually happening.]

[ She sinks into him, taking that kiss as an open invitation. Her lips part, slanting over Tommy's as she sighs into his mouth and both arms come around his shoulders, fingers tangling in his hair.

She feels herself relax, it's easy to fall into the moment and how everything is just touch and sensation. When she dips her tongue into his mouth to curl against his, she shifts her weight so that her knees allow her some leverage for what she does next.

Her heart's pounding in her ears when she pulls back, and a little thrill goes through her as she tosses Tommy a mischievous smirk, keeping her eyes on him until the very last second when she dips down to press soft, chaste kisses against the center of his chest. Her hands... well, they're sliding back down so that her thumbs trace the solid planes of toned muscle that make up his stomach. ]

[God. Kissing Kate would never get old.

His hands sink lower with her as she sinks against him, finding their way onto her ass, his fingers cupping it to pull her closer. His tongue gladly wraps around hers, just enoying the touch, the heat, even being confined in this tight space. It's obvious that other parts of him are enjoying it too, and Kate would note that his boxers were tenting and he's trying really hard not to just grind up against her to get things moving more quickly.

He has to taking in a breath when she finally pulls away, his skin having gotten a shade pinker and he almost looks flustered when she gives him that smirk and can't help but give one back, hands tightening around her ass appreciatively.

And then she's kissing his chest. That's enough to get a small mumble at the back of his throat that he manages to stifle before it becomes a full moan, and he can't help but arch up against her kisses, licking his lower lip and looking at her with half lidded eyes.]

This is way better than brunch.

Mmmm. [ She nips a little against his neck, the heel of of her palm kneading slow circles on Tommy's hip.

There's a quip at the tip of her tongue about how Tommy definitely tastes better than whatever brunch she had in mind right now, but nerves are humming just beneath the surface and the last thing she wants to do is to stutter over her words. ]

[His breath hitches when she nips at his neck, and he tilts it away from her so that she's got as much room as she wants to keep doing that.

And he can't just help tilting his hips up against her palms, one of his hands pulling back and finding it's way under her shirt, fingers tracing her delicate curves and belly button before the finger pushed its way up against Kate's sternum, almost touching her breasts, but not quite. He's almost checking like it's alright for him to proceed, fingers just brushing against one.]

[ The funny thing about this whole situation is that while Kate is very much into the moment, she's also oddly hyperaware of Tommy's reactions. She half expects him to just touch her, so when he doesn't, she pauses -- but only briefly before she leans closer, shifting herself into his hand before she busies herself with his ear. ]

Hey, [ she whispers, her voice pitched low ] s'okay to touch. Not made of china.

[ And because she feels a creeping flush over that statement leaving her lips -- it's been a really long while, okay -- she catches his earlobe gently between her teeth. ]

[The moment she moves herself into his grip, his breath hitches for just a second, before his hand cupped her breast, licking his lips. He's probably spent too long imagining how they'd feel, and dammnit he's going to enjoy it. Tommy certainly doesn't need to be told twice.

He makes small circles over the soft skin with his forefinger, and then moves his calloused finger over her nipple, pinching it lightly, murmuring to himself when Kate nibbles his earlobe. He leans right up into her kisses, getting a little rougher in his touches and then leans forward so he could kiss at her neck, not caring if she tugged too hard at his ear. He just really really needed to kiss that beautiful neck of hers, feel her pulse quicken under his tongue just when he touches her right.

Tommy can't help but grind up against her hips too, his obvious erection probably a lot more obvious now and his free hand was slipping some fingers under the elastic on her pajama bottoms.

God, he better not wake up from this.]

[ Her breath hitches when Tommy pinches her nipple lightly, and when he leans into her she does the same to him. These last few weeks with them in close proximity had left her somewhere between happy that they were growing closer as friends and hoping for something more. Tommy was damn attractive, funny in that biting way of his and underneath it all... someone she could trust and maybe even lean on when the need warranted it.

They'd mostly cuddled, but the general feel of Tommy -- his scent, his warmth, and just being around him had sunk itself into Kate. And maybe (if she was being honest with herself) she'd been entertaining fantasies not unlike what's going down right now.

She exhales a weighty breath and tilts her head to one side, providing Tommy's mouth more access to her neck. The way they fit feels good. Really good. And she wants more.

Her heart is thudding when his fingers slip beneath the elastic of her bottoms and for a moment there's a pressure in her ears and she goes still -- but just for a moment -- before she turns her face into his shoulder. ]

Tommy... [ she's not entirely sure if she whispers his name out loud or if she just manages to say it in her head, but her hand is suddenly around his wrist and she's trying to remember how to breathe.

Damn it. Not this. Body, don't be stupid, don't ruin this. ]

[The moment his lips touch her neck he shivers slightly, squeezing his hand a little harder when he leaves small biting kisses along her neck, pulling up a few dark marks when he got a bit too enthusiastic. He can feel her pulse under his tongue and his own picks up, his hand sliding around when his fingers had gotten under the elastic right to the fr--

And then he's stopped by a grip on his wrist. His fingers drum against her hip just ever so slightly and he murmurs something against her neck before pulling back with a small smacking sound, licking his lips clean. His hand drops from her breast and settles around her hip and he swallows his nerves back into his stomach.]

C'mon Kate, you can't say it's okay to touch and then stop me. I'm dying here. [he laughs wryly and lifts a hand to push back her hair off her neck and leans forward to kiss her jawline, his hand pulling back out of her pants entirely.]

[ She flinches.

She doesn't mean to. Doesn't want to, but what she wants and what her body is reacting to are two different things and it is the most frustrating feeling in the world.

After those first horrible months -- trips to the therapist included -- she'd come to a point and said Enough. She didn't want one crappy and unfortunate event to determine the rest of who she was. So she fought back, she learned to battle back the nightmares until they didn't bother her anymore. She trained herself, found herself a group of unlikely friends and took confronting her demons to a whole different level.

But she'd never let anyone this close. She'd thought about wanting to, of course. But on her terms, when she was good and ready and she'd gained back the confidence that it would be more than just good. It would be fantastic.

Instead, she finds herself struggling against the shakes and she presses her mouth against Tommy's shoulder and breathes in, counting back from ten. ]

[He waits for an answer, but when it doesn't come he sighs against her, pressing one last kiss against her neck. He's about to ask her what she wants him to do--whether or not to slow down or speed up or if she wanted to stop entirely--but then he feels her shaking. And he's done it enough times to know the difference between shaking when you're excited and the other kind of shakes.

Tommy pulls back quickly, like he's been burned, and lifts his hands up to Kate's arms, to try and pry her off of him, so he could look up at her with a concerned frown, their activities before apparently completely forgotten for now.]

--Woah, hey. You okay?

[ six, five, four--

She looks up at Tommy, hears him ask if she's okay and finds that one hand comes up to his cheek.

--three, two

She leans in and presses a kiss against the speedster's lips again. She doesn't want to talk. She's not sure she's ready to talk when everything she'd ever kept from her friends (yes, even Cassie) is threatening to spill out. ]

Yeah, [ nope. and you're a terrible liar, Katie-girl. ] yeah, I'm... I'm okay.

[He's looking at her with a frown that just screams concern, searching for some sort of reasoning behind the shaking. He doesn't want to continue if Kate is scared, but he also doesn't want to push her into admitting anything she doesn't want to. He's stuck with what to do, and he's about to ask her again when she kisses him. It's a little awkward, and he does eventually kiss back but it's hesitant and unsure. Like he's not quite sure if this is what she wants.

God she's going to say she's still in love with Eli isn't she?

He can't help but lick his lips when she pulls away, and his hands rub the sides of her arms, frowning still. She's not that great at lying. Being a professional one made you an expert.]

I don't think you are. D'you want me to stop?

[he pauses for a beat, and then heaves in a deep breath, preparing himself for the answer.]

This is about Eli isn't it?

Edited 2012-10-10 17:19 (UTC)

[ Her eyes snap up to Tommy's and Kate just sort of... stares. ]

Why would you [ and then something inside of her sinks, and Kate is suddenly morbidly grateful that the shakes came when they did. Dammit, is Tommy still wondering about that? After all this time? ]

No. [ huge emphasis on that, by the way ] No. Tommy, why would you even think-- [ she breaks off and is shaking her head as she pulls away from her place on his lap ]

[His stomach drops when she reacts and he really wishes he could kick himself. He needs to think these things through before he just blurts this stuff out.

He shifts his arms away so she could crawl out of his lap and tries to get comfy on the couch again, being too hot for the blanket but his boxers aren't exactly doing a good job at hiding how turned on he is.]

C'mon Kate. You freeze up just when we start get going? You gotta give me something. Or else I'm gonna jump to conclusions.

[he pauses, rubbing the back of his head.] Which apparently, my big mouth can't stop blurting.

[ Someday, her therapist had told her, Someday you're going to need to open up about this. To be fair to whoever you choose to pursue physical relations with. It had sounded so... clinical. And back then she'd just nodded, because what else could she do but that.

It's so much harder in real life, like all the other things that you deal with. ]

I was... [ She's not ashamed of it. It doesn't define her. She is more than that night in Central Park. More than the therapy sessions that had let her talk it out. But sometimes, when you keep a secret for too long, it's hard as hell to let it out.

She turns away, her back now to Tommy as she pulls her knees up to her chest. ]

You know the, uh, [ she starts, her voice a little tenuous in it's pitch ] the sucky thing about me fantasizing about you and me and... and making out is that I [ she swallows, like the words are stuck in her throat ] I always forget to factor in the possibility that I could freeze up because some jerk r... some jerk jumped me in Central Park a couple of years back.

[ She's not ashamed, dammit. But she's built herself back up it's hard to look back sometimes. ]

[Wow. Okay.

So it totally wasn't about her still having feelings for Eli, or her not even having feelings for him. It was a lot more complicated. And now, Tommy feels like a jerk for squeezing it out of her. His needs could wait. This was way more important.]

I--... Shit. [he's not sure how to handle this situation. This is the last thing that Tommy ever expected to have happened to Kate. The beautiful, strong, fearless Kate. She would sooner kick someone in the teeth than let them take advantage over her, and. Shit. She had to get that way somehow.]

I'm so sorry. [it's all he can manage right now. He has no idea what else to say.]

[ She's not entirely sure why she smiles a little at what Tommy says, even as she rests her chin on her knees, arms still wrapped around her legs so that she's curled up. ]

Don't be. [ It's probably the oddest thing to say, but she does mean it. ] Mixed bag of blessings, right? Sucky incentive, but hella effective. [ She'd found herself in her self-defense classes, in the long hours training and learning and putting together a different kind of armor. What was that saying? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. What doesn't break you brings you unexpected strength.

And because she remembers that, is steadied by it, she unfolds herself and turns to face Tommy. The set-back didn't stop the want. It just gave her time to think, and maybe clarify with Tommy that nope, not thinking of Eli when I'm macking on you.

She reaches out, taking her life back in her hands and sets a palm over his heart. Her eyes are focused on his. ] Are you okay to try again?

[he wants to wrap his arms around her and tug her closer to him but he's not good at this comforting thing. He doesn't know how she's going to react to physical contact right now. How would he? He's never been raped before. He doesn't know what it's like.

But. The fact she even was interested in ...whatever this was in the first place tells him that she's at least trying to get over it. He had to be patient. Which is his worst quality.

But before he has time to collect his brains together to say something to her she's turned around and is looking up at him, her hand pressed on his chest. His stomach lurches a little, and he can't help but put his hands around her waist, and look up at her with a concerned frown.]

--Yeah. If you are.

[Shepherd, are you really turning down sex with Kate?]

--I mean, I don't want to make you feel all gross.

Me? Feel gross with you? [ her lips are slanting over Tommy's again ] I highly doubt that, Shepherd.

[ She takes the lead in the kiss, teeth gently nipping on his lower lip before she runs her tongue over it. Her hands are sliding down as well, tracing the smooth planes of his abdominal muscles and her thumbs are tracing slow circles in near-rhythm to the way she's kissing him.

Her heart is thudding in her ears again, but she reminds herself she's okay. She's been okay for a long time now, and she's safe here. This is a bit for fun for the both of them. Something she suspects has been awhile coming now.

One hand drifts lower and she breaks off the kiss to whisper in Tommy's ear. ] You want to take this upstairs zippy, or is here okay? [ There's no risk of them getting caught by anyone. She has the apartment to herself for the whole weekend, but the bed has more space than the couch and Kate wants them both comfortable. ]

[Well. If that didn't convince him, nothing would. He snorted a little, tilting his head up into the kiss.]

You know what I mean.

[he doesn't mind that she takes the lead--in fact, he likes it, and he shudders against her fingers, tilting his hips up toward the touch. It's easy for him to get back into the swing of things, even if there's still a shred of doubt in his mind. But hey, she seemed quite happy to keep going and he's not about to stop her. He kisses her right back, his thumbs rubbing up against her hip bones, making a appreciative noise at the back off his throat when she finally does pull back.

He can't help but grin, licking his top lip. Suddenly all doubts he's had are gone and he's not even thinking about his legs right now. Only the moment. Which is exactly what this should be. Enjoying the moment they have been thrown into.

In a small blurred movement, Tommy suddenly has her in his arms, and is on his feet, heading for her bedroom.]

That answer your question?

[Oh yeah, Kate? He's only in boxers. Feel free to notice that now he's not got the blanket.]

[ Oh she'd noticed. She noticed plenty. She's pretty good at pretending that she doesn't though, because if she does well... there's a lot of nice things to look at when it comes to Tommy, but Kate doesn't want to be too obvious. ]

Hear you loud and clear. Why don't we get this show on the road?

[ She leans into him. He doesn't need to see the flush that's creeping onto her cheeks. ]

You got it.

[He grins and moves quickly up the stairs. He doesn't want to seem too keen on getting up on that bed, but there was a hint of superspeed in his step. It really doesn't take them long to get up there and Tommy pushes the door open with his foot and elbows his way into her room, moving to slide her onto the bed and crawl ontop of her at the same time.

He gives her a few seconds to get used to the sudden change of angle before he goes in to kiss the other side of her neck, his hand reaching up to pull it toward her as he straddles her.]

[ She arches up against him, hands reaching for purchase and finding when she slides her palms up Tommy's back.

She tilts her head back against the mattress, giving Tommy more access to her neck because damn that feels good. Her hips rise up to meet his and a laugh escapes her. ] C'mere. [ Her fingers fist a little in Tommy's hair and her other hand comes up so that she's got his face cupped in between her palms.

She wants another taste of that mouth of his. ]

[And she can have it gladly.

He arches his hips right back against hers, giving her neck as much attention as he could before she cupped his cheeks and then he moves over to look at her. His smirk widens when she speaks and he leans down and presses a kiss against her, biting down on her bottom lip lightly and sucking on it, his eyes flitting up to hers as he moves the fabric of her shirt up to expose her stomach so their hot flushed skin pressed against each other. His hand keeps traveling up and exposes her breasts, and after a few more deeper kisses, his tongue curling around Kate's, he pulls away and presses kisses down her neck, down to her collarbone and then keeps moving down, pressing a nibbling kiss against one of her nipples, his hand moving up and rubbing against the other so it isn't getting ignored.

What Tommy has learned in his sexual exploits, is that his speed is both a blessing and a curse. He might not the best at lasting, but it meant he was ready to go pretty quickly. And of course, knowing that is half the battle. He was going to spend as much time teasing and turning the ladies on as he can. And Kate was going to get as much attention as she would let him.]

[post-canon] outside a war is waging

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