notahawkingbird | [post-canon] outside a war is waging

[The moment his lips touch her neck he shivers slightly, squeezing his hand a little harder when he leaves small biting kisses along her neck, pulling up a few dark marks when he got a bit too enthusiastic. He can feel her pulse under his tongue and his own picks up, his hand sliding around when his fingers had gotten under the elastic right to the fr--

And then he's stopped by a grip on his wrist. His fingers drum against her hip just ever so slightly and he murmurs something against her neck before pulling back with a small smacking sound, licking his lips clean. His hand drops from her breast and settles around her hip and he swallows his nerves back into his stomach.]

C'mon Kate, you can't say it's okay to touch and then stop me. I'm dying here. [he laughs wryly and lifts a hand to push back her hair off her neck and leans forward to kiss her jawline, his hand pulling back out of her pants entirely.]

[ She flinches.

She doesn't mean to. Doesn't want to, but what she wants and what her body is reacting to are two different things and it is the most frustrating feeling in the world.

After those first horrible months -- trips to the therapist included -- she'd come to a point and said Enough. She didn't want one crappy and unfortunate event to determine the rest of who she was. So she fought back, she learned to battle back the nightmares until they didn't bother her anymore. She trained herself, found herself a group of unlikely friends and took confronting her demons to a whole different level.

But she'd never let anyone this close. She'd thought about wanting to, of course. But on her terms, when she was good and ready and she'd gained back the confidence that it would be more than just good. It would be fantastic.

Instead, she finds herself struggling against the shakes and she presses her mouth against Tommy's shoulder and breathes in, counting back from ten. ]

[He waits for an answer, but when it doesn't come he sighs against her, pressing one last kiss against her neck. He's about to ask her what she wants him to do--whether or not to slow down or speed up or if she wanted to stop entirely--but then he feels her shaking. And he's done it enough times to know the difference between shaking when you're excited and the other kind of shakes.

Tommy pulls back quickly, like he's been burned, and lifts his hands up to Kate's arms, to try and pry her off of him, so he could look up at her with a concerned frown, their activities before apparently completely forgotten for now.]

--Woah, hey. You okay?

[ six, five, four--

She looks up at Tommy, hears him ask if she's okay and finds that one hand comes up to his cheek.

--three, two

She leans in and presses a kiss against the speedster's lips again. She doesn't want to talk. She's not sure she's ready to talk when everything she'd ever kept from her friends (yes, even Cassie) is threatening to spill out. ]

Yeah, [ nope. and you're a terrible liar, Katie-girl. ] yeah, I'm... I'm okay.

[He's looking at her with a frown that just screams concern, searching for some sort of reasoning behind the shaking. He doesn't want to continue if Kate is scared, but he also doesn't want to push her into admitting anything she doesn't want to. He's stuck with what to do, and he's about to ask her again when she kisses him. It's a little awkward, and he does eventually kiss back but it's hesitant and unsure. Like he's not quite sure if this is what she wants.

God she's going to say she's still in love with Eli isn't she?

He can't help but lick his lips when she pulls away, and his hands rub the sides of her arms, frowning still. She's not that great at lying. Being a professional one made you an expert.]

I don't think you are. D'you want me to stop?

[he pauses for a beat, and then heaves in a deep breath, preparing himself for the answer.]

This is about Eli isn't it?

Edited 2012-10-10 17:19 (UTC)

[ Her eyes snap up to Tommy's and Kate just sort of... stares. ]

Why would you [ and then something inside of her sinks, and Kate is suddenly morbidly grateful that the shakes came when they did. Dammit, is Tommy still wondering about that? After all this time? ]

No. [ huge emphasis on that, by the way ] No. Tommy, why would you even think-- [ she breaks off and is shaking her head as she pulls away from her place on his lap ]

[His stomach drops when she reacts and he really wishes he could kick himself. He needs to think these things through before he just blurts this stuff out.

He shifts his arms away so she could crawl out of his lap and tries to get comfy on the couch again, being too hot for the blanket but his boxers aren't exactly doing a good job at hiding how turned on he is.]

C'mon Kate. You freeze up just when we start get going? You gotta give me something. Or else I'm gonna jump to conclusions.

[he pauses, rubbing the back of his head.] Which apparently, my big mouth can't stop blurting.

[ Someday, her therapist had told her, Someday you're going to need to open up about this. To be fair to whoever you choose to pursue physical relations with. It had sounded so... clinical. And back then she'd just nodded, because what else could she do but that.

It's so much harder in real life, like all the other things that you deal with. ]

I was... [ She's not ashamed of it. It doesn't define her. She is more than that night in Central Park. More than the therapy sessions that had let her talk it out. But sometimes, when you keep a secret for too long, it's hard as hell to let it out.

She turns away, her back now to Tommy as she pulls her knees up to her chest. ]

You know the, uh, [ she starts, her voice a little tenuous in it's pitch ] the sucky thing about me fantasizing about you and me and... and making out is that I [ she swallows, like the words are stuck in her throat ] I always forget to factor in the possibility that I could freeze up because some jerk r... some jerk jumped me in Central Park a couple of years back.

[ She's not ashamed, dammit. But she's built herself back up it's hard to look back sometimes. ]

[Wow. Okay.

So it totally wasn't about her still having feelings for Eli, or her not even having feelings for him. It was a lot more complicated. And now, Tommy feels like a jerk for squeezing it out of her. His needs could wait. This was way more important.]

I--... Shit. [he's not sure how to handle this situation. This is the last thing that Tommy ever expected to have happened to Kate. The beautiful, strong, fearless Kate. She would sooner kick someone in the teeth than let them take advantage over her, and. Shit. She had to get that way somehow.]

I'm so sorry. [it's all he can manage right now. He has no idea what else to say.]

[ She's not entirely sure why she smiles a little at what Tommy says, even as she rests her chin on her knees, arms still wrapped around her legs so that she's curled up. ]

Don't be. [ It's probably the oddest thing to say, but she does mean it. ] Mixed bag of blessings, right? Sucky incentive, but hella effective. [ She'd found herself in her self-defense classes, in the long hours training and learning and putting together a different kind of armor. What was that saying? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. What doesn't break you brings you unexpected strength.

And because she remembers that, is steadied by it, she unfolds herself and turns to face Tommy. The set-back didn't stop the want. It just gave her time to think, and maybe clarify with Tommy that nope, not thinking of Eli when I'm macking on you.

She reaches out, taking her life back in her hands and sets a palm over his heart. Her eyes are focused on his. ] Are you okay to try again?

[he wants to wrap his arms around her and tug her closer to him but he's not good at this comforting thing. He doesn't know how she's going to react to physical contact right now. How would he? He's never been raped before. He doesn't know what it's like.

But. The fact she even was interested in ...whatever this was in the first place tells him that she's at least trying to get over it. He had to be patient. Which is his worst quality.

But before he has time to collect his brains together to say something to her she's turned around and is looking up at him, her hand pressed on his chest. His stomach lurches a little, and he can't help but put his hands around her waist, and look up at her with a concerned frown.]

--Yeah. If you are.

[Shepherd, are you really turning down sex with Kate?]

--I mean, I don't want to make you feel all gross.

Me? Feel gross with you? [ her lips are slanting over Tommy's again ] I highly doubt that, Shepherd.

[ She takes the lead in the kiss, teeth gently nipping on his lower lip before she runs her tongue over it. Her hands are sliding down as well, tracing the smooth planes of his abdominal muscles and her thumbs are tracing slow circles in near-rhythm to the way she's kissing him.

Her heart is thudding in her ears again, but she reminds herself she's okay. She's been okay for a long time now, and she's safe here. This is a bit for fun for the both of them. Something she suspects has been awhile coming now.

One hand drifts lower and she breaks off the kiss to whisper in Tommy's ear. ] You want to take this upstairs zippy, or is here okay? [ There's no risk of them getting caught by anyone. She has the apartment to herself for the whole weekend, but the bed has more space than the couch and Kate wants them both comfortable. ]

[Well. If that didn't convince him, nothing would. He snorted a little, tilting his head up into the kiss.]

You know what I mean.

[he doesn't mind that she takes the lead--in fact, he likes it, and he shudders against her fingers, tilting his hips up toward the touch. It's easy for him to get back into the swing of things, even if there's still a shred of doubt in his mind. But hey, she seemed quite happy to keep going and he's not about to stop her. He kisses her right back, his thumbs rubbing up against her hip bones, making a appreciative noise at the back off his throat when she finally does pull back.

He can't help but grin, licking his top lip. Suddenly all doubts he's had are gone and he's not even thinking about his legs right now. Only the moment. Which is exactly what this should be. Enjoying the moment they have been thrown into.

In a small blurred movement, Tommy suddenly has her in his arms, and is on his feet, heading for her bedroom.]

That answer your question?

[Oh yeah, Kate? He's only in boxers. Feel free to notice that now he's not got the blanket.]

[ Oh she'd noticed. She noticed plenty. She's pretty good at pretending that she doesn't though, because if she does well... there's a lot of nice things to look at when it comes to Tommy, but Kate doesn't want to be too obvious. ]

Hear you loud and clear. Why don't we get this show on the road?

[ She leans into him. He doesn't need to see the flush that's creeping onto her cheeks. ]

You got it.

[He grins and moves quickly up the stairs. He doesn't want to seem too keen on getting up on that bed, but there was a hint of superspeed in his step. It really doesn't take them long to get up there and Tommy pushes the door open with his foot and elbows his way into her room, moving to slide her onto the bed and crawl ontop of her at the same time.

He gives her a few seconds to get used to the sudden change of angle before he goes in to kiss the other side of her neck, his hand reaching up to pull it toward her as he straddles her.]

[ She arches up against him, hands reaching for purchase and finding when she slides her palms up Tommy's back.

She tilts her head back against the mattress, giving Tommy more access to her neck because damn that feels good. Her hips rise up to meet his and a laugh escapes her. ] C'mere. [ Her fingers fist a little in Tommy's hair and her other hand comes up so that she's got his face cupped in between her palms.

She wants another taste of that mouth of his. ]

[And she can have it gladly.

He arches his hips right back against hers, giving her neck as much attention as he could before she cupped his cheeks and then he moves over to look at her. His smirk widens when she speaks and he leans down and presses a kiss against her, biting down on her bottom lip lightly and sucking on it, his eyes flitting up to hers as he moves the fabric of her shirt up to expose her stomach so their hot flushed skin pressed against each other. His hand keeps traveling up and exposes her breasts, and after a few more deeper kisses, his tongue curling around Kate's, he pulls away and presses kisses down her neck, down to her collarbone and then keeps moving down, pressing a nibbling kiss against one of her nipples, his hand moving up and rubbing against the other so it isn't getting ignored.

What Tommy has learned in his sexual exploits, is that his speed is both a blessing and a curse. He might not the best at lasting, but it meant he was ready to go pretty quickly. And of course, knowing that is half the battle. He was going to spend as much time teasing and turning the ladies on as he can. And Kate was going to get as much attention as she would let him.]

[ She arches up towards him, part-encouragement, part-godfeelssogood. She threads her fingers through his hair, one thumb tracing the curve of his ear as she shifts beneath him that leads into a trick she learned somewhere but she's not telling.

And then whoops, the tables have turned and Kate's straddling his stomach, her head bent so that she's reciprocating what he just did for her. ]

Help me [ nip ] get out of [ slow, potentially torturous lick around his nipple ] this shirt.

[You'd think being a speedster would help him from being able to see these sorts of things and stop them from happening, but he's too distracted in what he's doing to notice when Kate flips him. He looks disoriented for a moment, and looks up at her, his sin getting a brighter shade of pink, trying to catch his breath.

The licking and biting wasn't help and Tommy has to bite back an embarrassing noise, arching up against Kate's mouth. God this is the best idea in the world.]

--Yeah, okay. Just. [he reaches his hands forward and pulls the shirt up and over her head, throwing it to one side, leaning back so he can properly look at her, hands going to her hips.]

Fuck.

[ This is Kate smiling against your mouth again, Tommy. ]

In a little bit, yes, we'll get to that. [ Kate leans down and presses down against him, hands ghosting along Tommy's arms until she twines their fingers together. She's making a move to pin his hands on either side of his head while her mouth moves from his to that little hollow at the base of his throat.

She's not one to play nice. ]

[What she says makes him smirk. Oh god, this is really happening isn't it?

He's pretty much putty in her hands and lets her move him wherever she wants. He is a little miffed he didn't get to focus his attention on her a little more, but hey, he's not about to complain.

He draws in a shaky breath when she kisses that spot, his body arching up against hers and his hands finding their way into the back of her pants so he could grab that fine ass of hers and help in the grinding.]

[ She lets him guide her, palms sliding down to his forearms while her teeth nip at his neck, the lobe of his ear.

And then she sits up, shaking her hair back, hips rolling over his as her fingers skim his wrists, feather-light.

There's something she wants to say, and its on the very tip of her tongue but she swallows it down and instead bites her lip as her eyes meet Tommy's. ]

[He arches his hips up as she rolls hers against his, his head dipping back against the mattress as he hisses in a breath to stop himself from making too much of a noise. He looks up at her, eyes half lidded, and licks his lips, one of his hands moving around to the front of her panties, thumb brushing against her hip bone before his fingers edge closer to her inner thigh, bright eyes watching her expression. He's slow, teasing almost, and he draws his finger close before withdrawing, and pulling at the strap against her legs, under her pajamas, with impatience. He's smirking though, obviously enjoying the teasing.

He almost thinks about asking her what she was going to say--because she sure looked like she was about to--but he thought better of it, not wanting to ruin the moment.]

These should come off too. I'm kinda ahead of you in nakedness.

[ This is play, as much as it is anything else. That's part of the thrill of it.

Kate leans back down, her mouth brushing against Tommy's as her hands fall over his, guiding them, offering him control over the situation.

She's reluctant to admit just how out of practice she feels. The last thing she wants to do is to somehow come off too strong because here, she feels a little out of her depth, maybe a little off balance -- not, that she would ever say any of that out loud. ]

Do you hear me complaining about the eye-candy? Nope, no complaints here. [ She's smiling against his mouth, maybe catching his lower lip playfully between her teeth, but her fingers do seek out the spaces between his and when they do, she tugs at his hand, leading him to touch her, to maybe pick up where they'd initially left off. ]

[The lip catching only makes Tommy lean up and kiss her deeply, forgetting precsiely what his hands are doing right now. He still can't quite believe this is happening. For all his flirting and teasing, he never thought Kate would actually get into bed with him--let alone let him have sex with her. It's more amazing than any fantasy could have offered.

He pulls back from the kiss only to take a breath and to smirk up at her, and he lets his hands slip under her underwear, being guided by Kate's hands, and moves his fingers between her folds, unable to stop himself from arching his hips up against this. Okay, this is a bit more complex with the underwear but he could work around it, his spare hand tugging it down a little to make things easier.]

Yeah but if we took off more, there'd be more eyecandy. [he draws his finger up and rubs a thumb against her clit lightly, watching her reaction.] Just saying.

[post-canon] outside a war is waging

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